Thank you for the five hundred prayers you offered up to God yesterday. On behalf of everyone here in Heaven, let me express our extreme gratitude. And for all of the candles you lit too. You lit so many that we can almost see them from here. We are all very sorry to hear about your problem and we do hope it heals up soon. It must be quite embarrassing as well as very painful. It is a relief to know that you made a full and honest confession about it all. Please try to refrain from doing anything like that again. God did not design the human body for that sort of thing and we cannot even agree here as to exactly how many Commandments you broke. More than a few of us are surprised that you were granted absolution.
All of your prayers and requests have all been filed away. Unfortunately, God is exceptionally busy at the moment but he will deal with them in due course.
Please use your customer number (see above) for all further communications. We look forward to hearing from you again soon.
Remember, Heaven values your faith.