Cats and Dogs (bp coyle)

letter for my funeral

To all my children.

Thanks to all of you for turning up today, I know have busy lives. God knows, you never bothered visiting me while I was alive unless you needed money.

Speaking of money, I have left everything to various animal shelters around the world. You are probably laughing upon hearing this. You all know that I never cared much for any types of animal or for nature in general. However, I assure you that this is real and the only one laughing is me. How I wish I could see your faces right now.

I could say that I am doing this because I know you will fight each other to the death to get hold of everything you can, I could even say this will have to unify you for a time as you seek to get my will declared void. Truth is, much as I dislike animals, I dislike each of you more. Sadly, you all took after your various fathers, I really had bad taste in men.

Well, no need to hang around for the end of proceedings. Run along to your busy lives.

Your loving Mother

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