The war between the elves and the fairies has been going on for over two hundred years now. Ever since Jacob and Wilhelm published their first goddamned book of stories. Millions of lives lost over who comes across best in human literature. The insanity! As King of the trolls I am putting myself forward as a peace envoy to try and bring the two side into some sort of agreement. Honestly, I am not a big fan of either side. Those irritating little fairies who think they are so clever and funny. The stuck up elves who think they are so wonderful and regal. At least I dislike both side equally, so I can be a neutral negotiator.
Where to begin is the hard part, the water sprites have offered us their kingdom to hold the first phase of negotiations. But the fairies always go with ‘fairytale, the word says it all’ and sit back on their fat little asses as if the argument was over. While all the elves want to talk about is Lord of the Rings. They set up giant screens whenever no one is looking and try to force everyone to watch the movies.