The Drug Dealer (Story by R.C. Peris)

I paid my little sister $50 for her urine. She would pee in a plastic cup, put saran wrap around it and then slip it to me when our Mom was at yoga. After a few months, my sister got greedy.

“The price is now $100.” Dinah had her thin arms crossed and her face looked hard. She was only ten.

“Are you fucking kidding me? I’m not paying you a $100.”

“Do you want to keep your job?”

I wanted to slap the little brat. I regularly smoked weed and sometimes did a few lines of coke on Saturday when I was with my friends at a bar. I worked for an aircraft manufacturer. I was only in marketing but they made the whole company do monthly drug tests. It was such a pain. When I got my sister’s pee I poured it into a Ziploc bag and then on the day of the test stuffed it into my vagina. Nature’s perfect pocket.

“I’ll give you $75.”

“A $100.”

“I’m trying to negotiate, Dinah.”

“I’ll tell Mom and Dad what you’ve been making me do. You’ll lose your job.”

I started crying and she sighed, stomped off to the bathroom and came back with a plastic cup.

“I’ll do it for $70.”

I paid her and then left. Well, not before stealing food from the kitchen.

Dinah yelled. “If you take the Oreos I’m telling Mom everything.”

I put the Oreos back and stole the chocolate covered pretzels. The next day I emptied the pee in the cup with a smile and waved bye to the nurse collecting the urine. My plan was working so well.

A week later my boss called me into his office.

“You’re urine came back positive for amphetamines. Adderall. You’ll have to bring in a prescription.”

“What?” My sister screwed me. I didn’t have a prescription.

I called Dinah. “Why is there Adderall in your pee?”

“Oh, I’ve been buying pills off a twelve-year-old boy at school. That’s what I do with your money.”

“I failed the test, Dinah. I need a prescription tomorrow. To show my boss.”

“Bring $200. The boy who sells me Adderall has a prescription pad. His Dad’s a doctor.”

“Fuck.” I drove to Dinah’s school. She was standing next to a preppy-looking kid in a button down and tie.

“I got your script. Where’s the green?”

“Jesus,” I said. “You kids are out of control.”

Dinah laughed. “Says the woman smoking weed and doing coke.”

“I didn’t do that shit at twelve.”

The boy shrugged his shoulders. “What can I say? Our generation is very advanced and we know something you adults deny. Life is straight up bullshit without drugs. Maybe our generation makes drugs legal.”

“Whatever.” I grabbed the prescription from him but not without getting his business card. He said it was a burner phone and I couldn’t call after 10 PM.

“You have to respect my bedtime, lady. Also, I have a wide selection of drugs. Just let me know.”

That was the day a white twelve-year-old snotty kid from a wealthy family became my dealer.


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1 thought on “The Drug Dealer (Story by R.C. Peris)”

  1. Merely a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great style and design. “Reading well is one of the great pleasures that solitude can afford you.” by Harold Bloom.

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