I am writing in regards to the genetically engineered daughter I purchased from your company some time ago.
Having had her for five years now I find her to be well below expectations. I was disappointed from the start with the colour of her hair and her eyes. I specifically asked for one with blue eyes and blonde hair. That, combined with lower than average intelligence, would make her a dream partner for any man. She is also small for her age, far from what I requested. I wanted a daughter who would have nice long legs one day and look good in high heels. The most recent computer projections I have run on her suggest she will be a short, hyper-intelligent girl with mousy brown hair and an almost non-existent bust. What man is ever going to want her?
I do realise that I bought her in your Black Friday sale of 2024 and that because of this you may have felt it unnecessary to deliver top quality goods, but really she is a major disappointment.
After giving the matter serious thought, I wish to avail of your ‘5 year happiness guaranteed’ offer and ask for a replacement.