Mommy said I had a new Daddy. He came to apartment one night. We ate spaghetti, garlic bread. I had a big glass of juice in a Peppa the Pig cup. Mommy and new Daddy drank from special glasses. Mommy said they were drinking special juice. “Not for babies,” Mommy said. Mommy put me to bed. She tried to get new Daddy to read to me but he looked mad. Lights out. Don’t think about monsters under the bed. Scary shadows in the closet. I could hear sounds. Mommy sounded hurt. Real bad hurt. She kept moaning. I heard new Daddy grunt like monkeys at the zoo. I couldn’t check on Mommy. She always locked the door. Every night she lock me in.
Mommy was good in the morning. She poured me cereal. New Daddy was gone. To work Mommy said. Mommy said it was new Daddy’s birthday. We were going to the store. Buy a cake. Gift. “No, no, make Daddy a gift,” Mommy said. I made a card out of construction paper, markers, stickers, glitter. I LOVE DADDY. We made cupcakes. I spelled D-A-D-D-Y on five cupcakes with blue yummy icing. We waited for Daddy. Daddy came. He had a tie around his neck. He saw the cupcakes and got mad. Real mad. He ripped card. “We are not a family,” he said. “I have a family. A wife. Three kids. Your kid is not my kid. Stop this. Insanity. We fuck, that’s it. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Stay away from me, Maggy. Stay away. I’m not coming back here.” New Daddy left. Slammed hard the door. Mommy cried. Fell on ground. “My heart is broken,” she yelled. I brought her juice in my Peppa glass. And two blue pills. Later I give her the pink pill. It makes her sleep. Night, night. I start to eat a cupcake. Mommy yells. In the trash, they go. We eat roast and tiny potatoes. New Daddy’s birthday dinner. Mommy stabs with knife the roast over and over before she gives me piece.
Many days later. I can count on one hand. A new Daddy comes over. He looks a little like old Daddy. All the old Daddy’s. He has tie around his neck. Mommy says, “This is Freya.” That’s me. Mommy is happy. She plays music and dances. New Daddy watches. I color. I’m tired. Mommy locks me in my room. There are noises. Mommy getting hurt. New Daddy becomes monkey. In the morning, Mommy says, “He’s the one. He’s your Daddy. Let’s bake him a cake.” New Daddy comes over. Less than five fingers. He pats me on head. Mommy shows new Daddy photo. There are two kids. His kids. I think. And Mommy is in the picture. I’m not in the picture. New Daddy gets angry. “Where did you get this picture?” he yells. Loud. “I went to your home. No one was there,” said Mommy. She already sounds sad. “I cut your wife out and Photoshopped me in. I didn’t have time to add Freya. Do you like it? We can be a family. Me, you, your kids, Freya.” Mommy’s voice is really soft. Like fur on bunny. “You’re out of your mind,” yell new Daddy. “You’re absolutely crazy. I’m getting a restraining order. You and me? It’s sex. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Nothing else.” New Daddy leaves and Mommy crumples like paper. Squish. I bring her juice and two blue pills. “That’s not enough, Freya,” she said. “Bring me the whole bottle.” I do as told. She swallows all the pills. Night, night. I slap her face. No wake. 911. “Mommy sleep hard. Deep like a lake. Come get her. And…no more new Daddy’s. Please.”
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