The Great Fairy War (Story by Risa Peris)

One night Lucy, the Tooth Fairy, and Mary, the Tinkle Fairy, got into a fight as fairies tend to do. The other fairies fled and Lucy and Mary kept at it. They were arguing about who was most important. There could be no agreement and the two fairies, in agitation, bumped heads and passed out. When they awoke they were still quite cross. However, they had jobs to do. Lucy took teeth and left money and Mary ensured a relieving tinkle of urine. Did you know there was a fairy of pee? There are actually fairies for many things. You’re not as in control of your life as you may like to think. 

The Tooth Fairy went to Billy’s house. He had lost a tooth that had been loose for sometime. His brother tied a string around it and then around the door handle. His brother opened the door and then slammed it. The tooth came cleanly out.

“That should get you some money,” exclaimed his brother. Billy placed his tooth under his pillow and his parents kissed him goodnight. Lucy arrived late. She was still fuming over the fight. When she grabbed the tooth a rain of urine fell on the pillow and Billy. He did not awaken, but his hair was urine soaked. Lucy zipped away.

The Tinkle Fairy visited Meredith. She had a UI infection and her pee was coming out in dribbles. Meredith cried. 

“Oh, why can’t I pee?” 

Mary waved her wand and three dollars floated to the bathroom floor. The poor girl just wanted to pee. She grabbed the money and cried. Mary was angry and flew back to Fairy Land. 

“Alright, Lucy. Give me back my powers.”

“You give me back mine. I just soaked a boy’s head in pee.”


Both fairies thought. “Maybe if we bump heads again?”


And so they did. They went back out but Lucy pissed and Mary dropped money near toilet bowls. 

“What are we to do?” asked Lucy.

“I guess I’m the tooth fairy now.” The Tooth Fairy was a coveted position. You got fanfare and Broadway lights. The Tinkle Fairy wasn’t really spoken of. Lucy began to cry and it wasn’t long before she realized she was peeing urine. 

“Oh, how horrible.” 

Mary smiled and announced to the fairies. “Teeth are now my thing. Have fun Lucy.”

And then all the fairies squabbled as fairies tend to do. Lucy would not be content. Not ever. This began the Great Fairy War. But you needn’t worry yourselves with such a fight. Life will go on fine for you. Fairies have a way of sorting things out. 

Of course, Billy wasn’t happy waking up stinking of pee and no money under his pillow. It would traumatize time until the end of his days.